From Sticks to Bricks
by Tyler Bateman Esq
Summary: Okay, this a little ditty I wrote which is my interpretation of a famous fairy tale, but done in the style of Tarantino


FROM STICKS TO BRICKS  
  
Prologue  
  
Sunday  
  
Woolf wiped the sweat from his paws, as he stood on the roof of the Pig's third rendezvous. Beneath him were back up in case anything went wrong. Not that it should. He listened to the argument they were having through the funnel of the chimney next to him. He was finally ready to nail them. It had taken him three hard days and a busted arm but now here he was ready to take them out. All three of them at the same time. When he had finished listening he climbed into chimney and let himself drop. His pistol ready and waiting. When he hit the bottom there was silence and then a gun went off twice....  
  
Three days earlier...  
  
Friday   
  
The Three Pigs sat back in their convertible and viewed the building in front of them. Seth was drinking out of a flask of whiskey. He offered some to Hamm, who declined saying that he was too busy cleaning his glasses. Their half-brother, Curly, was in the back high as a kite.  
  
When they were twenty, Hamm and Seth Pigg's Mother had kicked them out telling them that they had to make their own way in the world. They were doing that, by robbing every bank they came across. It was on their second bank job that they met Curly, who was a love child of their mother. Although he knew what they did for a living he wanted to join them as he had certain "friends" to whom he owed money. And so The Three Pigs were formed. A professional con-man, an arms expert and a druggie. They had just robbed a particularly large bank and so they needed somewhere to lie low. Curly had said he knew the perfect place. The place in question was a warehouse made out of straw. It was one of the many buildings that had taken part in the "Better Building Resources" campaign. The mayor had wanted to try different materials to see which were the cheapest and easiest to build with. After several buildings had collapsed the plan was deemed unfit and the mayor retired a year early. To this day only a few buildings have survived.  
  
"This..." said Seth after he had put his flask away, "This is your 'perfect' hiding place!"  
"Yeah, Man!" said Curly after he had regained the power of speech, "It's like cool, man!"  
"No" Hamm joined in, "It is not cool. It is a heap, but it is not cool. Seth, we can't stay here. We'll be busted for sure."  
"Look, we'll stay here for a while, send Curly to find us a new place and we'll see what happens." Seth replied.  
  
He jumped put of the car and walked into building followed by Curly and a reluctant Hamm. The building was a bigger heap then Hamm had imagined. There were no facilities whatsoever and it stank of hay. However if Seth said they were staying here then they were staying here. He couldn't argue with Seth. No Sir! He could if he wanted his arms removed. Seth had lost his tail in a nasty bar brawl and he hadn't been the same since. Hamm sat himself down in a corner and pulled out a pulp novel he had in his pocket and began reading. Seth sat by the window keeping an eye out for the cops. Curly remained stoned.  
  
The cops were a lot closer then Seth thought. Infact they were a block away in the form of Ranger Woolf. He had been following the Pigs' rain of terror in the paper for years and now here they were in his neck of the woods. He was going to wait till night time and catch them by surprise. Come night time Woolf drove down to the warehouse which he had watched Curly pick and knocked on the door. Inside the Pigs were asleep. Hamm woke first followed by Seth. Curly stayed asleep. Seth gestured Hamm to the window. Hamm went to the window. He saw and ducked beneath the window sill. He turned to Seth and mouthed the word "Woolf". Seth joined Hamm on the ground. Outside Woolf knocked on the door again.  
  
"HEY PIGS" he yelled, "LET ME IN!"  
"EAT MY CHIN HAIRS!" Seth replied. This woke Curly up.  
  
Seth stood up and aimed the gun at the door and began to fire. Woolf hit the ground and crawled to his car. He started up the engine and rammed it into the door of the warehouse. It came down in one go. Before Woolf could get out of his car the Three Pigs had run over his roof and jumped into their car. They had gone by the time Woolf opened the car door. In frustration he kicked the wall of the warehouse and it came tumbling down.  
  
"So what do we do now, Seth?" Hamm asked as the car sped through the streets of L.A.  
"Now we go to other hiding place!" Seth replied,  
"What other hiding place?"   
"The other one Curly found today."  
"The other one." Hamm said angrily, "You've entrusted this pig with another hiding place. For God's sake the guy is asleep while you are driving at 100 MPH."  
"It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal." Seth said calmly, "How bad could this one be?"  
  
Saturday  
  
"It's made out of Twigs, Seth" said Hamm  
  
And so it was. It was a warehouse that looked like a large outhouse.  
  
"This is what the Walton's use to go to the toilet in." Hamm continued, "Please tell me we're not staying here."  
"We ARE staying here!" Seth answered "And I will not tolerate another one of your moaning sessions. OKAY! He is a brother and we should trust him."  
  
When they got inside Hamm noticed that it was just as bad as the hay house except at least the hay could have been used for pillows. The only good thing about this place was that it could be set a light. That night while nobody was looking Hamm went in search of a better place. When he got back he saw Woolf pulling up outside the warehouse. He watched as Woolf got out and banged on the door and shouted "Hey Pigs! Let me come in!".   
"Bite me!" came the reply,  
"Don't make me knock like I did last time." said Woolf as he began to walk to his car,  
"Good idea!" thought Hamm. He revved up the engine, placed his foot on the accelerator, released the clutch and closed his eyes. The car hurtled forward barley missing Woolf who jumped out of the way broke his arm against the hard concrete of the ground. The convertible entered the Stick-house the same way Woolf's patrol car had entered the Hay-house. In pure carnage. Half the front wall had come away on the front fender. Hamm opened his eyes and stared at an equally shocked Seth and Curly. It took two seconds before Seth and Curly clambered into the car and Hamm repeated the same process as before. This time crashing through the back wall causing the whole thing to collapse. As the Three Pigs sped away Woolf lay on the ground licking his wound. His arm had become a mass of fur matted with blood.  
  
Hamm reopened his eyes and turned to Seth giving no regard to the other cars that he was just narrowly missing. "Right," he said, "I don't care how much of a brother he is, we are not going to anymore of his hideouts. While you two were sleeping I managed to find another place. A better place!!"  
"How could it be better then my hideouts?" said Curly while he lit up at the back of the car,  
"Because it's made of bricks!"  
"Yeah...well....that would work."  
  
The warehouse was all that they had expected from a brick-house. It was tall, mean and red. Hamm seemed to swagger into the house as if to say "Who's the man?!", Curly followed behind sheepishly. Seth was left to park the car down an alley near the warehouse. They realised that parking their car outside a warehouse made of bricks was sure to draw attention. Afterall why would you stay in a warehouse except to hide.  
Sunday  
  
Despite the fact that they had hidden the car, Woolf had received a tip off and later that day he and a whole squad of police pulled up outside the warehouse. The Three Pigs were still asleep inside and so did not notice. Woolf got out of car and banged on the door waking the Pigs up.  
  
"Come on Pigs! Let me in!" said Woolf,  
"How many times do we have to tell you..." began Seth from inside,  
"Not by the hairs on my Chinny Chin Chin." finished Curly,  
Seth turned to Curly puzzled.  
"What the hell does that mean?" said Hamm,  
"Sounded good at the time."  
"Man, you are an idiot."  
"Hey leave him alone." said Seth,  
  
Soon an argument was breaking out between the Three Pigs. Woolf heard it all outside. He told all the cops to stay where they were until they heard trouble. He had seen a ladder up against one of the walls and he was now climbing up it. Woolf wiped the sweat from his paws as he stood on the roof of the Pig's third rendezvous. Beneath him were back up in case anything went wrong. Not that it should. He listened to the argument they were having through the funnel of the chimney next to him. He was finally ready to nail them. It had taken him three hard days and a busted arm but now here he was ready to take them out. All three of them at the same time. When he had finished listening he climbed into chimney and let himself drop. His pistol ready and waiting.   
  
When he got to the bottom the Three Pigs turned to him and Seth raised his gun and fired. Woolf hit the ground like a ton of bricks.  
  
"You shot a cop, you idiot!" screamed Hamm,  
"So! I've done so much for you in your life and criticise me for shooting a cop." said Seth raising his weapon again and shooting Hamm in the head.   
  
Curly panicked expecting to be next and ran for the door. As he opened it he was confronted by twelve other wolves all dressed in the same black uniform. One of them leaped onto Seth bringing him down before he could fire. Another cop arrested Curly. While a third ran up to Woolf and shook him. Woolf opened his eyes.  
  
"Where did he get me?" he gasped,  
"In the leg, sir!" replied the officer  
Woolf looked at his leg and at Seth and Curly and said "Take them away."  
  
Epilogue  
  
D.I Woolf pulled through his shot gun trauma and is still on the force.  
  
Seth Pigg was found guilty of twelve bank robberies, the murder of con-man Hamm Pigg and the assault of D.I Woolf. He now serves a life sentence  
  
Curly Fox was found innocent of three bank robberies. He went on parole, went to a Betty Ford Clinic and now sells insurance.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
